• Amanda K

WTF IVF?!

So for my very first post here, we are getting down and dirty- how I ended up being a first-time mom of triplets. When most people think about starting a family, it's a simple equation: get married + buy a house = have a baby. Never in my wildest dreams did I think my equation would look like this: buy a house + get married + try getting pregnant + go see a fertility specialist + take hormone injections for 5 months + try fertility drugs + do countless rounds of ultrasounds and testing + more fertility drugs + surgery for endometriosis + more fertility drugs + consult with fertility clinic + injections & egg retrieval for 1 failed round of IVF + injections for 2nd failed round of IVF + injections for 3rd round of IVF = triplets!! ( with a lot of mixed up crap in between). And shockingly, this was a less painful equation than most women have to endure to end up with less.


Not only is infertility a traumatic physical journey, it can also be an emotionally scarring journey. I needed a support group with other women who were going through the same experiences in order to feel like I actually had feelings that could be validated. Your partner is your closest form of support, but even they don't truly get the magnitude of the situation going on inside your head. I had a wonderful team behind me, including my amazing mom who gave me most of my injections, but I still felt alone at times. The best advice I got through this whole experience was that it is acceptable to grieve a loss- the loss of what you thought your life would be, the loss of a pregnancy, the loss of the feelings of happiness for friends who keep getting pregnant around you, the loss of yourself as a person. But it is NOT acceptable to obsess over that loss and let it consume you. Set a timer for 30 minutes each day. And during that 30 minutes you can cry, scream, throw things, be angry at the world. But when that 30 minutes is up, you focus on making each day count with the blessings you do have. And this was the absolute toughest lesson to learn. Your infertility does not define you. It does not become who you are. You are still full of worth, and life, and love. Stay strong and remember: this too, shall pass.


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